altean meadows, quintessence tears
by Faulty Paragon
Summary: Lotor's body is slowly growing numb, but he doesn't need to hold her to know that her tears are his fault. Set in S6E7, during their battle. Inspired by 'I Am Damaged' from Heathers: The Musical.


A/N: Inspired by "I Am Damaged" from _Heathers: The Musical._ It's been stuck in my head for days, and it fits these two pretty well. Please comment and let me know what you think!

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altean meadows, quintessence tears

 **I am damaged, far too damaged**

This isn't how it was supposed to go.

The realization strikes him far too late, his body wracked with pain as the Quintessence rushes through him. He can hear her voice through the communicator, speaking with her team, urging them onwards- he can hear them cheering for her, supporting her, as she channels the energy through Voltron, and into his own mech.

Into him.

Every part of his body is screaming, simultaneously feasting upon this unlimited, raw energy, and yet crumbling under the sheer weight of it all. Debris swirls around his screen- or maybe it's in his eyes, he can't even tell anymore- but the one thing he knows is that something is going wrong.

It hurts.

Suddenly, one startlingly clear message broadcasts through. His voice crumbles in his throat, coming out only as a strangled scream, hoarse and broken.

"But we can't just leave him!" Allura cries, but the others insist on their departure. The world is fading, and Voltron is leaving him behind. Allura is leaving him behind.

The visual comm screen flashes on as Voltron pauses, floating above him as his mech suit sinks further and further into Quintessence, static breaking through the picture of that beautiful face he has grown to love so dearly. She is the light of his world, the shining beacon who has solidified his hopes of finding the true alchemy forged by his Altean forebears. Even through the pain, he can still feel how soft, hesitant her lips were against his, her hands smooth and strong in his palms, how warm every look in her eyes had felt…

Her hair is mussed in her helmet, large, doe-like eyes filled with tears and bitterness and regret. She's still so beautiful.

 **But you're not beyond repair**

In the haze of pain and power and energy, he blinks, feeling his manic smile ease, his anger wane, for just a moment.

Over the last few weeks, this woman in front of him has inspired him. For so long, he had dreamt of creating a new Altea, a world where his people would flourish in their intellect and magic, and where the sickening stench of the Galra Empire would never be found again. He had dreamt of sitting upon the throne of that new world, worshiped as their leader, songs sung of him for millennia to come.

And yet, in only a few weeks, Allura has managed to infiltrate that dream. Instead of one throne ruling in his fantasies, there were now two. Instead of standing before his people alone, she was by his side.

Somehow, she is all he has ever wanted.

Her team begs her to move, she begs them to stay. They cry than this is what corrupted his parents- that this place, this beautiful, _magical_ place is what turned them into the monsters that haunt the universe. Her mouth is moving, but his ears begin to buzz, a tinny ringing blocking out the words. He doesn't need to hear them. He can see that she is screaming, guilt oozing from every pore.

 **Stick around here, make things better/ 'Cause you beat me fair and square**

It dawns upon him that without him, no one is left to protect the remaining Alteans other than her. She is the only one who knows the secrets of their people. She must live on.

And yet, time seems to slow, and Voltron still watches his mech suit crackle with overflowing power. She continues to plead with her team, but they ignore her cries, trying to reason with her. He can see her face, grief-stricken, broken, torn. Somehow, it hurts more to see her suffering than the pain coursing through his own body.

He opens his mouth, trying to form words, trying to speak.

 **Please stand back now- 'little further/ Don't know what this thing will do**

This place is a time bomb, and he understands it now. Was he a fool for trying to contain Quintessence itself? Was he nothing but an arrogant child, thinking he had conquered the secrets of the universe?

She said that he is just like his father. The thought still makes him tremble.

But his arms are weak, fingers losing the strength needed to grip the controls. Numbness has started spreading, overtaking the pain, the bitterness- the sour taste in his mouth, the bile swallowed down one too many times, rises back up without restraint, and he gags. He can't fight it anymore.

She is still watching him through the screen, and now, the tears stream down her face.

 **Hope you'll miss me, wish you'd kiss me/ Then you'd know I worship you**

Her smile flashes into his mind, her joy, her excitement, her wonder- as they explored the secrets of their ancestors together, she had shared with him nothing but innocence and light and warmth and-

And now, she is crying.

 _I did this to her._

Another scream is torn from his throat, but this time, it is anguish which wracks his body. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be _his._ But now, there is no way to save her, no way to protect the one person who has meant more to him in the last ten thousand years than anyone else in his entire lonely, lonely life. He had meant every touch, every glance, and their kiss had been nothing but true.

He had spent his entire life deceiving everyone else in the universe except for her, and that fact has become his downfall.

 **I'll trade my life for yours**

Tears run down his face, matching up with hers and both of their expressions twist in agony. A dull thought flashes across his mind through the searing pain- she is just as broken as he is, and the urge to reach through the screen and embrace her takes over. But there is nothing he can do, and his ragdoll of a body no longer has strength to lift the mech up to touch her face.

 **And once I disappear/ Clean up the mess down here**

He has played God for too long, and it is time he is brought down to the man he is.

 **Our love is God**

She still sobs. Voltron leaves.

 **Our love is God**

The screen blacks out.

 **Our love is God**

Lotor closes his eyes, leans back, and lets the power rush through him. Whatever happens, happens. It stings to admit it, but he lost control of everything the moment he lost Allura.

 **Our love is God...**

Beneath his eyelids, he can still see the meadows on the holodeck of the Castle of Lions. She had brought him there to look at the flowers, to bask in the beauty that was once Altea. His consciousness drifts away, and her smiling blue eyes match the holographic sky, and for a moment, it feels like she's still there- that everything is okay.


End file.
